Thursday, April 10, 2008

Terminator:TSC season finale

The orange creamsicle tasted sweeter than I remembered. Maybe because it had been so long since I had a chance to enjoy such a simple pleasure. This was the first break I had gotten in a long time from trying to save the world... except for school. If you can really count school as a break....

Derek was more relaxed than I'd ever seen him, elbows propped up on the picnic table we were sitting at. Seeing him that relaxed made me tense up and I scanned the park, making note of all the faces and finding at least 4 paths for a quick escape. At least one of us should have our guard up. Mom's training.

I only half listen to Derek as he talks to me. I look around the park again, trying this time to see it from his point of view. Knowing what this place will look like after Judgment Day... and yet, sitting here, barely believing your eyes that it could ever have looked like it does now. Sun shining, kids playing, green grass... hell, the sun or grass of any kind at all....

The baseball, bright white against the emerald grass, brings me back to the present. I had noted the kids playing earlier, but had already deemed them not a threat. That's all the Machines would need to do... create child Terminators. The ball stopped a few feet in front of me and I knelt down to pick it up. The littlest one ran over to get it from me. I smiled at him, or more accurately, the innocent, carefree spirit I saw within him. In his world, there was no other concern but getting that ball and continuing to play with his older brother. For a split second we stared at each other, eyes locked in a familiar sort of gaze. 'Cute kid,' I thought, secretly hoping to myself that he might be one of the ones spared from living through the war with Skynet; That he would never have to loose his innocence....

As he smiles his 'thank you' and runs back to his brother my gaze lingers upon them, observing a life I never led. A life of playing in parks, not living in constant fear that a Machine might be sitting on the bench across the street calculating the best time to kill me. As the children exchange gear and the older one takes the ball something catches my eye. For a split second, it looked like there was a name on the back of the shirt... I watch, silently willing him to turn around again to prove to me it was just an apparition. The older one turns around and I freeze. A million thoughts fly through my head at once, eyes widen, mouth falls agape. It can't be... R-E-E-S-E. It is. My mouth starts to move but no sound comes out. Is that Derek? If that's Derek then that means....

I regain control of my body before my voice and spin to face Derek sitting, smirking at the table, knowing I had just discovered his birthday present to me. "Is.... Is that.... you?" I'm hardly capable of stammering those words out. He says nothing. His eyes move from the kids up to me, a silent answer. I turn back and continue to stare at them, my mouth moving, yet soundless. I turn back, needing to know... "And the younger one... is that...." Derek answers as I trail off, already knowing the question that was coming. "Kyle." It is. That's my father, or rather will be my father....

He's in mid throw as I turn back around to look at him. He looks so focused, completely concentrating on throwing the ball back to his brother. The satisfied look on his face after he makes the 20ft throw causes a smile to tick at the corners of my lips. He runs back to pick up the bat again. "Throws pretty good for a 5-year old, huh?" Derek asks. I didn't need to answer. I couldn't answer. The emotional weight on my chest was beginning to choke me up. He picked up the bat, clearly too big and heavy for him, and choked up almost 4 inches. "Your father always had a nice arm." My heart skips a beat... He knows! Shit, did I give it away? Mom told me not to tell him, I didn't just do that... did I? I swing my torso to face him. Barely louder than a whisper, I choked out, "How'd you know?" Derek looks me in the eye, not hesitating for a moment. "Every time I look at you I see him" as his eyes dart back to the 5-year old Kyle swinging his bat.

My heart once again fills my throat as I'm lost for words. Half a smiling, half in awe my mind is reeling with the events of the past few minutes. My uncle, introducing me to my father decades before my father will conceive me with my mother. It's almost too complex for me to get my head around, but there it is... right in front of me. "Besides, your mom's his type" Derek adds. I slowly turn back to face my father. My body quivers with emotions I can't even being to distinguish. Part of me wants to cry, wants to run over to him and say ' it's ok dad, mom and I are here' .... but he's only 5.

My eyes tear up in the realization that this moment, here and now, is as close as I will ever get to having a complete family.... a normal family like everyone else. A mother, a father, and their child. This is the only time the three of us will ever physically be in the same place during the same time. My lip quivers and an unseen chill runs down my back. "Happy Birthday" Kyle says quietly. My eyes stay locked on my father as I burn every detail of each second into my memory. I've finally met my father.

I swallow hard against the lump in my throat. Happy Birthday.....

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