Keeping up with the pace

It's been an interesting 'holiday' weekend.

I got 5 days off with virtually perfect weather and no real plans to tie me down to anything. It was glorious. Spontaneous bonfires, much catching up with friends I haven't seen in the past few months, a fun time with family, and even finally got working on a secret project for my brother that I've had started for well over a year now. I'll post pics when I finally give it to him, because I'm expecting it to turn out awesome.

I'm comfortable saying I've beaten my cold and am back to about 95% health. My HP bar is full enough to continue on my way without stopping to continue to fill it.

I'm actually ahead (comparably to where I've been) in my financial situation at the moment.

I'll be taking my typewriter and going to my cabin in the woods this coming weekend to knock out 4 chapters of my yet to be started book and hopefully have enough to submit to a week-long workshop I want to go to that's taking place in the fall.

Nothings really wrong at the moment.

It's like a breath is being held while the shoe is in the air dropping. I don't know... I suppose we'll just have to see what happens...

In an interesting twist of male/female relations I actually met someone over the weekend who I am genuinely intrigued by. I'm certainly not attempting to defy the predictions of my "coffee grind reading" but she's intriguing. Maybe it's just that she's someone new, maybe it's cause a close friend of mine who knows her thinks we have a lot of similarities and she's been trying to get us in the same room since before New Years.... Either way, that finally happened this weekend, and while the situation was less than ideal, she still caught my interest. I've got less than no clue if it were the same vice versa, but I have a feeling if it was that I'll know about it in a few days time.

And now, I'm going to hopefully be able to wait and see the first episode of a new Firefly-based web series.

Frame of mind

When my cousin read my coffee grinds... see previous post... One of the things she said about me right now is that I was burned badly in a previous relationship (right on) and that I had separated that relationship part of me out and have left it to the side.

This couldn't be more right.

I want nothing to do with any relationship right now of any kind... I tease at the thought of it for this person or that... but ultimately... It. Ain't. Happening.

Yes, a lot of it is probably due to that burn. I haven't really set about processing it (frankly I can't quite comprehend it even still) and not processing/comprehending that situation... well... it sure as shit doesn't let me get over it.

More than that though, I just don't want to deal/hear with the minutiae of the other person in a relationship.

I don't want to know how your day was, I don't want to know where you are, where you're going, what you've done, that you're going to fold your laundry, or any other daily shit-task that you're doing. I don't want to make small talk. I don't want a routine to say goodbye at night. I don't want to hear how you're feeling unless I ask...

I have neither the energy or will to care.

Maybe that's cold... but I don't really care about that either.

In regards to relationships that's where my mind is at right now. And if you want to screw... well... you can give it a shot, but 9 times out of 10 it's gonna end up being a no anyway. That's just not typically me. Not for any cockamamie religious belief... those are the furthest things from my mind right now... but simply because the reward isn't worth the risk in my head. It's that simple.

I think I like this spaced out, more stream of conscious type formatting for the blog. I've read other people who use it, and found it annoying at first... however... I've written more in the past week like this then I have in the past few months. And quite frankly, writing something is better than writing nothing for me right now.

Hope it doesn't bother the 3 of you who read this all that much :-p

My Anchor....

So, the other day, my cousin's wife read my coffee grinds.

That's right, I said coffee grinds... Apparently an old gypsy who lived upstairs in a complex her parent's owned taught her how. I shit you not.

Now, anyone who knows me, knows I don't play with that kind of stuff. Never paid a psychic, had tarot read, fortune told, etc. I have an issue with people monetizing that kind of thing.

However this was just something my cousin did... so, because she's family now, I went with it.

She read my brother first, and was eerily accurate. She talked about my brother's new relationship without being told about, and details about it as well. Like that they're mushy... which they are.

Ok... fine. Then me. Also, right on. Everything I'm working on will go well (gotta love predictions of good fortune). However I've been burned badly by a recent relationship (Dzia, which she totally knew nothing about... in fact... no one did.... cause I haven't told anyone... err... wanted to talk about it at all actually) and that due to that burn I've totally separated out my relationship stuff for at least the next year and a half (till most movie promotion stuff is done, dead on) but at the end of that I'll probably end up with the person I'm going to be with. She said, "You're going to find your anchor in life."

I had never thought of that 'elusive someone' as an "anchor". At first I joked about, oh great... someone to weigh me down and keep me in one place... but the more I thought about it the more that kinda made sense.

Someone who can keep me grounded. Let's me float on top of the water but not get carried away. Holds me securely in a storm. But someone who can come with me on all my journeys and travels. Someone who is an important part of everything I do and the places I will go in life.

I never used the image of an 'anchor' as an analogy for "her" before...

Now, I don't imagine I'll ever not think of her that way.

I bought a typewriter... and other sterotypical things

It's a nice typewriter. I'm actually very excited about my typewriter. I hope it actually fulfills my expectation of helping me not be distracted when I write (type?) and isn't only "well I want to be a writer so I should get a typewriter like all the other famous writers had and used".

I tend to be ridiculous like that sometimes.

Ok. Maybe more often than sometimes.

But who's keeping score.

I'm not.

In addition to my typewriter, I've secured a cabin in the woods for a weekend to type on it. Just far enough outside the beaten path to not effectively get cell reception or data services.

I'll be cut off from the world.

In a cabin.

Writing what I hope to be the first few chapters of a book.

On a typewriter.

Anyone have recommendations for sufficiently stereotypical meals I can/should cook for myself?

Maybe swordfish steaks??

Perhaps I've just ventured off into the deep end.....

Comfortable vs. Familiar

Comfortable:
Expecting the other person to be there.
Dropping a deuce while the other person is in the shower.
Pissing while the other person gets ready at the sink in the morning.
Passing gas while watching a movie in the living room
Belching out loud at the dinner table or just randomly
All the little fucking things that your parents always (or should have) told you were "impolite"
And still, expecting the other person to be there, or worse, care as little as you do
(Exceptions are made for couples who previously establish they don't care about those things, ie. not me.)

Familiar:
Noticing yourself smiling when you pull in the driveway because the other person is home first
Taking note of bathroom schedules well enough so that you're both in there for showers only
Waking up 20 minutes early to get ready early so the other doesn't have to work around you
Politely stifling a belch when the other person isn't looking
Waiting for the other person to leave or leaving the room to pass gas quitely
Helping with the dishes cause you know it's not their favorite thing to do
Noticing yourself smiling when going to bed cause you're with them and they're with you.

Maybe I'm just an idealistic, hopeless, romantic...
So what.

Maybe my ideas will change with age...
Maybe.

But settling for just being comfortable...
Not a chance.

My resolution for 2010... is to grow an ego...

But not too much of one of course. Just a Goldilox sized ego and a bit of a thicker skin while I'm creating my wish list. Let's backtrack slightly...

I've been quite busy these past few months. Dragon*Con was 20-hours days of the most epic sci-fi/fantasy themed part that I had ever been to. For those who have never heard of or been there, it's a 60k person convention in the heart of Atlanta, Ga. Spread out over a series of 4 massive hotels, 24 hour a day programming from start to finish... if you can stay awake the whole time, there will be something scheduled for you to do. It was an amazing experience. The pannel for Browncoats:Redemption was an overwhelming success as well with our "street team" having handed out nearly 6,000 postcards advertizing the time and location. In a room that held 250 individuals, we packed it above fire code and had to turn people away. It was fantastic. It was riding high on a cloud the rest of the time.

Work got back in full swing as well. I'm finding an increasing dislike for the politics and supposed 'benefits' of state employment. It's changing me in a way that I am not taking kindly to. I see people, co-workers, who might work an average of a solid 9-10 hours a week out of a 35 hour work week. I look at myself, objectively, and see that at my 'best' week I might work myself between 20-25 hours. Somehow, that makes me look a head and shoulders above all the rest and a real 'enthusiastic young go-getter'. I'm increasingly disturbed by this. Disturbed enough that if I can find a simple way to get some kind of decent health insurance, even at COBRA rates, I'd take it and start from scratch. Yes, even in this employment climate. Maybe I'm a fool... but it'd one of the first employment (or lack thereof) choices that I've actually made myself rather than simply settling into what I've found myself in. [These thoughts are predominately in the "thinking out loud" category]

Big Apple Comic Con was more or less a bust. A day spent handing out a mere handful of cards and of all the special guests I was willing (or able) to pay for was Miracle Laurie who was an absolute doll, no pun intended. The nicest most down to earth I've met. She was the sole highlight of the convention.

Creation's Firefly/Serenity convention in LA was an experience not to be forgotten. Went out early to see an old friend, got to watch the new Star Trek movie on the bridge of the Enterprise D, went places and met people I'm not legally allowed to even tell anyone about yet. Love to go into more detail, really I would. But suffice it to say, I met just about all the actors that were there and then some. Solidified some friendships, made some new ones and memories to last it all.

As for what started this post... I've been watching a lot of tv/movies in the past month noting all kinds of inconsistencies, ways they achieved desired effects, critiquing story... looking at all of these things with a new eye. While I'm sure this is all due to my working on Redemption, it's made me all too aware that I haven't made good on working toward some of the dreams I had when I was younger. Ever since Babylon 5 I've wanted to make science fiction stories. That's most of the reason why I have the entire scriptbook colection and then some. My thought being" If I have the blueprint for this show, then I can use it to make my own from. It would be like having a walk-through to how it was done before so I could do it for my own while learning from the trials of others. I can see now it's not going to be quite that simple but the frame work holds albeit loosely. A lot of the behind the scenes that I've watched, directors interviews, creators diaries, etc have all talked about 'making the movie/tv show that they wanted to watch'. Perhaps it was Spielberg or Lucas who said it best, and I loosely paraphrase, if I make the best possible show that I want to watch then there are going to be others out there who are going to like it and watch it too. I can't imagine a writer making a living writing books on a subject or in a genra he or she abhors. I've gotta grow just enough of an ego so that I feel more than just a want, but a need to write the stories or shows or movies that I want to see, and to believe that others will want to see them too. Right along with that, the thicker skin that when someone doesn't want to, that's ok too. Most of my friends from HS would never be caught willingly going to Star Trek or seeing any of the hundreds of tv show episodes of various sci-fi programming that I've watched. I've missed out on workshops and conventions because I didn't have, or didn't have enough orriginal material to submit to be considered to invite (Viable Paradise I'm looking at you). I think it's about high time that I change that. So here's to unexpected and extra-ordinary new years resolutions, a right sized ego and a thicker skin. Welcome 2010.

Dragon*Con Day 0

So, it's anyone's best guess how much 'free' time I'm going to have while at the convention to write, so I figure to help pass the over 3 hours that I'm early to the airport for my flight to Atlanta I might as well start now! My phrase for the day in reagards to how I'm feeling has been that "my excitement bubbleth over" and that certainly applies! Starting with getting here to the airport waaaaaay early and now just sitting here nearly bouncing waiting to go (though part of the bounce I'm sure is the 3 cups of coffee I had at the resturant for breakfast). I'm also of the oppinion that the best waitress/waiter people are in airport resturants. So nice and attentive and actually stop to have a conversation about where you're headed and what's on the itinerary! Pancakes, bacon, potatos, and coffee for $10... that's about all it takes to satisfy me in the morning(free airport wi-fi is just like an added dessert)!

Plane is not here yet, but it takes off around 1pm so I'm not too concerned. I took the time to e-mail the realtor I've been working with looking for a condo and let her know that I'm just not going to be able to swing it right now. I can make the mortgage payments and even the down payment, but after really really detailing out what my budget would look like it turns out I'd have $21 extra unallocated money per month. That's so not going to cut it. Any hickup in the status quo and I'd be underwater faster than a mob informant with a cinderblock chained to his feet. So, I'm back to considering other options, apartment with roomate, staying at home with a bit more strict of a budget/plan, or anything else that might come up. While it wasn't exactly what I'd have liked to have happened, it does work out, and in fact might speed up my overall life plans. In a few short years I can have both my timeshare and movie prop and costume collection entirely paid off which would put me very much ahead, and even have some more saved up so I can get a bigger place sooner. Instead of having the intermedieary condo now, I can pay off my future stuff and then get the bigger more permanent condow before 30 instead of after. Kind of exciting when I look more at the future than my wants in the present.

That would then give me 10 years to find the perfect property on a lake in PA to buy when my life insurance intrest matures enough to where I can pull out a few hundred thousand and possibly have my cabin built and livable before 50! That would totally be awesome. Now, obviously this is just the outline/rough draft as you can imagine. Things like, injury, spouse, WWIII, etc might play a part in how it all goes... but I've got a dream and a plan!

Now, I know this hasn't really been about Dragon*Con yet, but whatever. I'm not there yet, and really haven't really looked at the schedule too well so I should probably get on that while I still have the wi-fi. My main purpose there is really to promote Browncoats:Redemption, overflow our pannel venue (which is Sunday morning, September 6th at 11:30am at the Marriot in rooms L401-403 on the first floor, tell all your friends), and ideally having all the major news outlets covering the convention a buzz with our film!!! And ya know, if I happen to meet Patrick Stewart or someone, well, that's ok too ;-)