Thursday, March 02, 2006

Writing isn't art isn't writing isn't....

All my life, I've either read or written... My idea of the summer reading program at the library was seeing if I could crack 500 books, again. I'd be so busy in life during high school that I had to take writing electives just so I could have to force myself to do what I wanted. That was then...

After getting so burned out from writing during my last 3 semesters I figured my photography classes would be a good break before I went back to it. I didn't know how right I was. Now, I don't want to go back to it. In fact, I've had random urges to do things I can't do... like draw, paint, photoshop, Maya, creating things on a medium that I've never really used. I pass the drawing studio in the art building and see the easel's set up, and think, wow, I'd love to just go in there and draw something.... and then I realize I can't draw.

Things are changing for me, life is changing for me. It feels kinda like base jumping right now. I'm running towards the edge of the cliff. I'm at those last three steps where you know there's no turning back and it's starting to feel like you're flying already. 70 more days. It feels like just the other day I was saying 100 more days. Where the hell did 30 of them go???? I don't have a clue, but I wish I could have them back...

So I've decided that I can't continue at a secular institution of any kind after I'm done with my bachelors degree. In the midst of conversations I heard God whisper to me that I'll loose myself and loose Him if I do. It's seminary or working... and maybe both. I feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions. I have a God-inspired passion for counseling, no questions asked. He's given me a gift there and I intend to make the most of this gift from Him. However, I can teach, serve, build, plan, analyze, write, speak, and think as well. I was talking with a friend tonight and expressed how I just wish I could just up and disappear to Europe, the west coast... somewhere, to just live by the skin of my back and God's grace.

However, right now I've got 282 e-mails in my inbox, two graduate schools that need applying to, a hundred friends to spend time with, and 70 days left until graduation...



isn't it hard sometimes, isn't it lonely how I still hang around here there's nothing to hold me

--Patti Griffin "Florida"