Sunday, December 30, 2007

Thinking backwards...

I had two different discussions today about the past. Normally, sure things would come up since pretty much everything we do has some root in the past, and with old friends, well, we'll be laughing about some of things we've done for many more years to come. But these conversations, were actually about the same thing even though neither person knew the other was talking about it to me. Both individuals, were longing to go back to a "simpler time" when they were more carefree, could see that what the had then was what they wanted now, and the more they tried to get that now, the further lost they ended up.

Distracted Spunk was first on the night. She was watching old home videos, and seeing how happy, carefree, really just how simple everything seemed back then and how much she desired that simplicity now compared to the chaos she's been enduring. Similarly, my first real relationship (and many other firsts) Village Cheerleader expressed the same sentiment to me about how when we first began our relationship life seemed so much simpler, between her and I as well as life in general then. She just wanted to go back to that and stop dealing with all of the ridiculousness that has occupied her life since we broke up back then. Was everything really so much simpler then? What would life even be like if we could somehow revert to that simpler state of being? In 5 years, 10 years... will we just look back again and see this time and comment on how silly we were and things were simple now too? Distracted Spunk posed just that question in a way, "Do we know too much, or expect too much?" Could we realistically function in the world we're all living in now if we were able to revert back to as naive as we were then?

Now, call me skeptical but I kinda think we're not that naive any more for a reason. Sure, for some of us it might have been the choice to do things we thought were grown up and cool and what we should be doing, way before we were ready for it. I consider myself not all that naive of a person and can say that I've been thankful for that on more times than I've cursed it. It's allowed me to answer questions for people without them having to get their hands dirty on something or someone that any of us non naive can see is a mistake. I've helped more than one friend avoid or get rid of a person or situation that would have been detrimental to them as a person, and for that my lack of naiveness is all the more valuable to me. Yes, I'm sure it's jaded me, and made some acts of just living more difficult than others, but in the end, I wouldn't have been able to make the choices I needed to make if I were as green as a cucumber. No matter where I stand on religion/faith/spirituality, I refuse for a second to believe that what we've learned in life and what we know can be wrong. Whether it's 2+3=5 or getting an STD because you slept with a stranger because you felt in the mood and got an STD, it's there, it's a knowledge you now have and can do something with. Wishing you didn't have it won't do you or anyone else around you any good. Some people had the good fortune in life to go through it more naively than others, envying them won't get you a hair's width closer to being as naive as them. We're in the world we're in, with the information we possess, heading on whatever path life takes us for a reason.

So no, as much as those "simpler" times seemed nicer, maybe even were nicer, I'm not going to waste a moment of my life dwelling on how much I miss them. The best, most positive way I see at the moment to go through life, is to take whatever information you have and accept it, learn from it, experiment with it, understand it, and then use it in the best way you can for yourself and those around you. It most likely will not be easy, will not be fun, but living your life as it is in the present, instead of longing for what was in the past, will be the legacy in 10 years, you wish you had done from this day forward.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Ever try to get a retiree to work ahead of schedule...

And because I could not make such a herculean feat happen, I now have to work on Monday. How awesome is that. Is the entire report now done and together? Yes. Could this report have been together last week? Also, yes. However, because these freaking parts too so damn long, it might be late.... again. I look forward to eventually having the seniority to make people jump when I ask for things. Now, I'll be the first to admit it, I'm totally chock full of that young employee eagerness. I want it done, and have motivation to get it done because I haven't been jaded by who knows what. Seriously though, would it have killed him to humor me? I wrote what had to be written in about an hour. Anyway, it's ok... because I love The Agency.

I'll finally get to spend a night at my apartment since the accident. I'm headed back tonight to help pick up a friend from the airport and since it's closer to my apt then back home, it didn't take much to convince them to stay with me. Honestly, when I first moved in I was just kinda like, sure... why not, it helps out BigE, it'd be nice to have somewhere to retreat to, maybe even I could have a weekend place I could write poetry or a novel from in a city. It's turned into a most refreshing feeling of having my own, laid back, relaxed place from which to start my own life. If I'm up writing a blog post through 5am, so be it. If I want tea and to leave it out, or make pancakes, or do whatever there's no more comments to deal with, and if someone happens to make one, frakk 'em, it's my apartment.

So, Tiny Dancer sent me a letter today, just like she promised she would. It was very stream of consciousness, which she warned me about, but it was good. It's nice to see someone else's mind jump around and how it does to make me feel a bit less concerned about my own (in)sanity. No revelations really, but it was nice. I can't recall the last time I'd gotten a letter. Sure a card or two with a personal message inside, but that's different than a snail mail letter. About the only thing that could top that is if it would have been handwritten. I'm even more of a sucker for something that personal. I intended on writing back to her tonight, but the plane flight didn't get in until 2am, then we had to finish watching Downfall, and then it was after 4am. I'll write her tomorrow. My friend and I have a nice long day with nothing to do so it'll give time to chill, and just hang.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

New layout now, new year around the corner

So, I probably should have been doing graphic editing work for The Agency these last 2-3 hours, but I decided that I was just gonna change layout's around and such. Yeah, I'm smart. I've spent a lot of time with some of my best friends this past week. I managed again, to get my dose of large, loud, family holiday goodness since I don't get it from mine. Two of my bests (I have a bunch) and I have been going through the Bourne trilogy... a feat we will complete on this coming Friday night.l I'll be seeing Distracted Spunk hopefully tomorrow, since I haven't seen her yet over this break, and then having a sleepover on the 29th with most of my bests in anticipation of New Years festivities.

For anyone keeping records, this Christmas will be dubbed "The Practical Christmas", work clothes, work tools, sewing kit, candy, gift cards, money. I'm cool with that.... must be getting old.

I'm in the process of ordering supplies for my desk at the Agency. Apparently it's sure enough now that I'm staying that they're letting me take all sorts of supplies from the closet and place a requisition for the things they don't have. It's crazy looking through a catalog like that for myself and settling in how I want my desk and drawer files arranged. I'm starting my career... and I like that a lot. I've said/felt all along that I didn't really just want another job, I wanted a career. I have every intention of staying with The Agency for the next 25+ years. I'll have fantastic benefits, a surprisingly flexible schedule, virtually no work taken home that I don't want taken home, weekends totally free, a good commute, and I get to work with good people performing very rewarding services. It's the job of a lifetime and I'm very lucky to have found it.

I'm starting a list of my plans for the coming year, so that next year I can see what I anticipated and what I got... In no particular order,
Getting a new (used) car
Traveling to NC, NY, VA, WV, ME, OR, CA twice, and hopefully Canada,
To continue writing A Life Worth Living...
Exploring Philadelphia
Becoming a permanent employee of The Agency
Feeling good about my level of physical health, appearance, and long term well being
Finally writing a part or whole of a book
Developing my ideas for a comic book series
Composing some seriously awesome BSG inspired music, and an 'orriginal' Christmas album
Learning to play the djembe and guitar better
Growing a bonsai tree

and maybe... just maybe, finding a girlfriend.... wherever she might be hiding.

Monday, December 24, 2007

What a frakking week...

This week started and ended on the two of some of the worst two freaking notes that I could pretty much have. Or maybe, just two of the biggest inconveniences. Or maybe not even that, and I'm just a materialistic frakking American. I don't know. I mean, signed on to write this post about how two of the worst things possible happened to me but I can't figure out why I'm still alright and not as phased as I feel that maybe I should be. As my fingers start to flow over the keyboard, and my mind fuels their direction, I find that I'm not really writing what I expected to be writing. So, the facts of the matter, are that on last Saturday my car was totaled, and this Saturday my $500 phone was somehow crushed in a car door. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a person who thinks things are just simply expendable, and have the ability to throw money at the problem like whatever, but I don't feel nearly as upset about those things as I feel like I should be... like I was last year this time.

Last year this time, I was just about to break through and start to come out of my full on depression. I had watched 87 episodes of Inu Yasha and scores of other movies and tv shows online, closed, in my room avoiding the world. I spent till all hours of the night perfecting my first report for The Agency, back when they still had me on a long leash working from home. Looking back I was so closed to the world that I wouldn't even want my windows opened in my room. Yeah, it was more than just the first accident with my car, it was that "post-college graduate funk" that we all go through, it was the complete withdrawal from anything IV at all, and of course my seasonal affective disorder. I was a mess... in the lowest point that I've been to thus far in life.

Now, they're just things. The car can be replaced, shit like that happens, it wasn't my fault and it'll all be alright. I'll get a car that I like, or I'll get some other good fortune out of it, like taking transplanting the old dark interior into my new car with a light interior with Surfer Boy. We'll spend the weekend, bond, have a good time, and I'll learn a hell of a lot more about my car. Is it an inconvenience now, yeah, but there's really nothing permanently detrimental in any way happening. The train takes me to work, my parents help out cause they're awesome, and I get to re-appreciate the value of just having a car. The phone can be replaced, it's just a phone, there are over 2 billion of them out there. Yes, it sucks it was my money I just cracked, and that I have to endure whatever reaction I'm gonna get from dad, but I screwed it up and nothing's really gonna change that. So I suck it up, deal with it, and move on.

There are so many worse things that could have happened. Deaths, personal injuries, global incidents.... Seriously, something like a Christmas bombing in Jerusalem would be loads worse than my personal auto or shitty phone. My aunt has been through an unbelievable road of some really rough shit in the past five years. These things of mine don't even play into any of it. They're so far removed from being anything remotely important it's absurd. Maybe I'm just in a better place this time, maybe this is part of my transition to a more adult thought process, maybe I'm starting to accurately assess the value in the different things in my life..... but whatever it is, I think it's definitely a step in the right direction, to a better me.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

The blind leading the sighted...

Today was one of those days, that 2 years ago I would never have though possible. Not because it wasn't possible, but just because I'd had a cumulative total of "zero" experience with it. So I was at The Agency at work, like I am every day, and my boss was out so it was just me and MJ. Around leaving time, she asked if I wanted to figure out how to take the subway back to the train station. Now let's pause a moment. I'm you're normal, average, wearing glasses but see 20/20 like most people. MJ on the other hand, has a seeing eye dog. I know she can tell light/dark and some shades, but beyond that I'm not all too sure. And yes, she's going to teach me how to use the subway. I have no idea where the subway is and I'm not really a subway traveler except when I'm in DC or Chicago... even NYC until just very recently.

Working daily with MJ inspires me by itself, let alone the times like these that just become overwhelming in their own way. She's amazing too, in that she seemed to think nothing of it. That she was just showing a colleague another mode of transportation for them when the weather's bad or something. It went just like that... I met her at closing time and we walked out of the building. Took the elevator down to the lobby and then I basically just told her to lead the way, and lead she did. She turned right and led us out the other door than the one we usually take when we just walk through the city to the trains. Down the street, through two lights, made a left, walked down to the middle of the block and turned right into the stairway down to the subway entrance that I didn't even see from the road until we were almost on top of it. She took me right down the steps, showed me where the tickets were and how to use the system because it was different from the normal train tickets. Knew which stop to get off at and how to get up to the main level of the train station. All this, with virtually an insignificant amount of functional vision. These are the kinds of things she does every day.... and every day she's extraordinary.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Under the weather...

Ick. That's about how I feel. It's definitely not a full on flu thing, but man, it's just one nagging, "I feel shitty" feeling. Soup and tea for lunch and dinner, that's how I'm rollin'.

So, now that I've got my id and passkey for The Agency it was really awesome to see some of my fellow employee's be happy for me that I'm now "one of them". Usually I tend to enjoy keeping an unique (Ok, so I'm sidetracked in the middle of this sentence. Grammatically, we would use the word "an" in front of any word beginning with a vowel, an egg, an apple, an igloo, an understanding, etc. and the word "a" in front of words beginning with a consonant, a cat, a dog, a perfect, a zoo, etc... Now, I don't recall ever reading about any exceptions to that rule, though I admit that if any language will have an exception to it's established rules it's English, but that sentence confuses me!! It sounds right using "a" with either a long or short vowel sound... but no matter how many times I repeat it, "an unique" just doesn't quite cut it. Is it me? Am I sicker than I though and when I feel better I'm gonna read this and realize that "an" does sound right? Wow, anyway...)

What I was starting to say before my grammatical ADD kicked in, was that it was nice to have those employee's who've been at The Agency for a long time, accept me into the fold so that I can start my career with them. It's heartening, exciting, and just flipping cool.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Another one bites the dust....

So, after over 133k miles my car might just finally have to be retired for good. I was in a pointless 4 car pile up in Cherry Hill on Saturday evening. I'm fine, everyone involved was actually, but I'm 95% sure the car's gonna be totaled, and that's the end of it. No last minute pardons this time and that upsets me. I'm attached to that car. Not nearly as much as I was the first time, but I like it. I'm pretty set now on getting the same model used again... with the possible exception of a 98-01 Acura 3.2CL. That was the first car I really really wanted. The one my student council adviser had, before his girlfriend bought him whatever ridiculous car she bought him. Whatever. The sooner I get this figured out the better. It bugs me to have an apartment I'm paying for and not living in.

I got my ID and rfid badge to get into all the doors at The Agency today. It's one little exciting step at a time. Though, I don't see there being many more before the permanent job offer has to come. 2-4 more months hopefully. With how long I've stuck it out so far, that seems like just a few days....

I met and hung out with John Scalzi, which is probably one of the highlights of this year. It's amazing to meet, let along hang out with someone who is a celebrity of sorts in you head. He's a science fiction author of high regard for good reason. He's been blogging since before the word existed for it. I went to a meeting of the Science Fiction Society of Philadelphia where he was the guest speaker. We talked about his books to come, things that helped or didn't help writing specific characters, when he'd be back in the area, and funny stories that happened in life. He's a great, down to earth guy.

So, I met a new person the other day, which was cool timing to my post. GMDN sent me it a few weeks back with a promise of keeping in touch better. Yeah, that never happened. Shocking. Anyway, it's as fun and awkward and uncertain as I hoped it would be. I like it. If there's one thing I have to give her though, it's that she knew that this new person, Tiny Dancer, and I would hit it right off with the vast amount of things that we have in common. I don't know, I'm just trying not to over analyze any of this, because right now that would be the simplest thing in the world for me to do, especially with the outlet I have here.

DS and I have been on all hours of the night recently. These are the times I wish I were there or she were here because it's so much easier to give/get support when best friends aren't 2,878 miles from town to town away. Long story made painfully short, a potential love interest was taken over by aliens and trashed 9 months of relationship building in one week. Think Animorphs or Dark Skies, that kind of taken over and abrupt change in personality. She deserves a fantastic guy, and she experienced that for a brief while, but as has become all to common, each and every one has crashed and burned on the "staying fantastic" part. Sometimes I feel like my reassurances that she'll find someone who will last sound empty to her, but they're the farthest thing from it. They're more full and hopeful than my own feelings that I'll find someone one day.....

My first little sister popped back into my world yesterday which was awesome! It's always cool to see how we manage to just play catch up and then jump back into knowing each other like life never made us too busy. She's still happy and going strong.

And that rocks.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Lacking witty title...

I need new. It doesn't matter who, or what, or where, just new. I thought I might be able to start that tonight, but it seems like that's not going to happen. I'm just too unsure of what all's going on with her, and she's just too close still with others.... I wish, but no. I gave up today and talked to the friend of GMDN. I figure if I'm gonna throw my world upside down like I want to, then all preconceptions have to go out the window, even dealing with GMDN. I don't even give a shit if anything goes anywhere, I just want to meet new girls. People I have no history with, no preconceptions, no knowledge of, no idea where they're from, going, or how we'll get along. I'm clearly not getting anywhere where I am now.... so it's not like I could be any worse off.

Monday, December 10, 2007

My six guys and I...

So, during the winter season, I work at a Christmas Tree farm, which I'm going to abbreviate CTF (despite how much that makes me think of 24). I love it. In fact, I love it so much , I'm debating about offering to assist during the 'off season' to learn how to run, take care of a farm because I think I want one myself one day. In another 10 years or so, I'd love to get a house, 10-15 acres and have the farm take up 10 or so. Today, in particular, was a fantastic day at the CTF. Not because of good weather, or phenomenal tips, but because we all got along so well and were so happy and having so much fun together. We laughed and joked and had a grand time the entire day. That's where the title of this post came from. We decided we're making a mini series that'll start on the Lifetime channel, and then on the sequels we'll make it bigger, onto HBO or something like that. It's gonna be like a kind of Brady Bunch Christmas Tree Farm. Such a great time... it made working there pass so quickly. I never really realized it before, but I'm the oldest one there. By 7 years. When they were born, I was in the middle of first/second grade. It kinda too me aback in all honesty. We all got along so well and had so much fun, it was nice to just joke around like a kid, more innocently again. Hah. "like a kid" I'm even talking like I'm an old man now. I wish we had a bit more time than just these three weekends, two of which have vanished already. I don't think it'd ever be the same if we met outside of it. Then the difference would be so much more evident. Why is a college grad hanging out with my child who's in high school, curfew's, parents giving rides, appearances, and etc... Maybe that's it. Maybe what I enjoy the most, as much as it's them, their personalities, our interactions, it's the fact that we can do so with out all of the differences/questions. That bubble of a little world on that wonderful 10 acre farm lets us fall back to a simpler time where everyone's actions weren't called into question first. Where you had to do something wrong before someone thought you were going to do something wrong.

Ok, enough of that. I rambled on for about 15 minutes to Distracted Spunk today. I'm glad she's one of my best friends. It makes it so much easier for me to talk about anything and just vent when necessary. I'm definitely in that stage in life where I'm moving forward but don't have a clue to what. Some days I don't even feel like I can see the road underneath each passing footstep. I can't imagine being 30, having worked for 8 years, and not feel any closer to having a direction/path in life. I can't imagine what clock's are ticking or voices are second guessing inside of one's head. I can't even feign confidence for a solid month at a time, I can't imagine near a decade.

I think this anonymity that I have here is good to develop the consistency of writing here on a regular basis, however, I can feel myself outgrowing it. There's something inside that wants people to be able to come and know who I am and read about my life knowing me. To put thoughts and feelings and stories and hyperboles associated with who I am. To blur the line between fact and fiction because I can, but also to just be able to write it all. I desire immortality. And since it's clear I'm not going to conquer any new worlds or be any kind of super hero.... an author, might be the best piece of ambrosia I've had with me all along...

For the picture of the day, I was behind this vehicle on the way home, and it was just too freaking cool to pass up:

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Too tired to write in depth, but in line with yesterday...

I had to post this utterly disheartening news. If there's one thing that can be said for this, you really get to see both sides. These are cut and paste the words of both parties involved with the WGA/AMPTP negotiations. I think it's a great side by side rundown of the current states of minds of both of the parties involved in these negotiations. I think writer J. Michael Straczynski says it best:

I wish it could've come at a different time, but everyone wishes that whenever
it does come.
But this...this was inevitable.

Support the writers, buy a box of pencils, call or write to the media companies, as fans together, whether it's Battlestar Galactica, Lost, Smallville, The Office, The Daily Show, or whatever program you enjoy watching, let's all put the pressure in the right places to end this.

Friday, December 07, 2007

My world, in a bit more than 60 seconds

Maybe it's ingenuitive or maybe it's lazy. Probably, it's a nice awkward combo of both, but this post is going to be the 'headlines' that make my life on a daily basis.

First up, Writers Guild of America strike:

To put it succinctly, it sucks. Not just the strike itself, but the lack of progress and generally distrustful atmosphere that has been permeating the negotiations. Now, I'll admit right from the get go, that I'm partial to the WGA. I generally believe the word of the writers over the word of the studios participating in the talks. As much as it's bias, it may also have slightly to do with the fact that there is always more than one source backing up what the WGA says, and only the AMPTP backing up what the AMPTP says. Posts like this and this concern me to absolutely no end. I'm not only concerned about not getting to see the end of BSG, but there's talk of not just the spring line up getting tabled, but the fall one now too. If this keeps up like it seems like it's going to, I'm gonna get my chance to march with them.... which will simultaneously be a privileged and saddening day.

DMCA and general Digital Rights Management:

It seems like just when it's forgotten for a little while, it comes right back, slightly more prevalent than before. First, go click through this presentation. This spells it out more clearly than I've ever heard it done before. Now, personally I'm much more a 'letter of the law' kind of person because getting into the 'spirit of the law' is much to subjective to be effective. However, when the letter of the law is designed to keep bad people out and you're not one of the bad people, it can be more than a little unreasonable. The above presentation I actually got from two entirely different sources today, which is why it's at the forefront of my mind. The second source has another link to more specifically DRM with music. And then there's also this stupidity, which I literally found just seconds ago. Maybe if you're not a big computer geek you don't care, but well, I am, and I do.

American politics:

It's unnervingly frightening to feel a bit apprehensive about posting this, but I'm going to for discussion anyway, as any free, democratic, patriotic, citizen is allowed to do in this country. This one is also a fun read too, right from the quill of the president himself. I don't know where we're going as a country or how it's going to make as abrupt an about-face as it needs to in the time it needs to.

I listened to Christian music for the first time since the program this summer today. It was only for a handful of minutes, but it was noteworthy enough to mention. I'm sure there are topics I'm forgetting, but these 3 are mostly what goes through a large part of my mind daily.

Baby steps...

That's what it's felt like I've been taking for the last 2 days. Nothing coming anything remotely close to quickly, just one baby step after another. On the bright side though, it's been baby steps forward at least. I just got more time and projects at the Agency, I can finally drive myself to public transportation in the mornings instead of having to be driven, and it looks like my financial situation might just clear up sooner rather than later. It'll still be rough each month, but at least it looks like there's a good chance of making it now. And should a full time job roll my way, there's gonna be a party that night and drinks are on me...

I copied wedding videos off the tapes and on to my hard drive today, only missing one cassette I think (I can picture it in my head on my 'desk' at the apt). While that was going, (and I was downloading fan produced episodes of Star Trek based series'), I finally got to organize all the random files I had laying around on my K:/ drive from various Linux installations in the past. I cleaned up about 20GB worth of garbage, and the other 34GB are all organized by type in nice, neat folders. I figure I'm about one or two more good hard drive cleanings away from finally having a unified My Documents, from the past 11 years. This excites me. Significantly.

I saw the saddest thing ever on the way into work today. I don't know why exactly it struck me as it did, but I couldn't get the image out of my head. I wanted to ask the guy why, but he was in his truck before I had a chance to talk with him. Maybe tomorrow if it's still there. Yes, of course I took a picture:

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Working for the Agency, dinner with Rapunzel, and Tin Man

So I've decided that this week I'll be wearing a different 'hat' each day. Sunday, I was a Christmas Tree farm worker, Monday I was a lazy bum, today (Tuesday) I was a photographer, Wednesday I'll be a web page designer, Thursday I'll be an office assistant, Friday I'll be graphic layout editor, and Saturday I think I'll go back to the beginning and be a Christmas Tree farm worker. Some day's I love the variety, and some days I simply abhor it. Today, I'm in the middle.

Playing photographer today was fun, I enjoyed that, to an extent. It's easy, and I see immediate results of my work which is always a nice thing. I can put down about a half days working hours too, which gods above know I desperately need the money from. I may have to drop more severe hints that I'm not going to be able to keep this temporary shit up for much longer... not that I know what/where else I'd do/go...

So, on a happy note for a change, it was so unbelievably fantastic to get to see Rapunzel after I don't know even how many months it's been. We talked and ate dinner at our special little Italian restaurant that we love so much and had a wonderful time as we have every time. Sometimes it boggles the mind to think just how long I've known her... over 6 years of history between us. I don't know where we'll end up, but if where we are now, is a result of where we've come from, I'm not all too concerned.

So, I've restrained from writing about the Sci Fi Channel's movie, Tin Man. I don't want to just say it sucked, however this is no glowing review either. It had its moments, and it certainly had it's ideas, but the acting except for a few sparks, and overall story was significantly uninspiring. There was enough difference that I could definitely take the 6 hours of my life I spent watching it and easily pretend it was a stand along mini-series that only remotely took some ideas from their childhood. At the very least, I hope that this has prompted someone to write something much more deserving of a Wizard of Oz sequel/spin off.

No, I'm not volunteering... I don't have the time... for the foreseeable future, that is...

No pictures tonight, I need to go to sleep, working at the Agency in the morning.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Sabbath, in the not so religous sense...

I want to say today was nice. I want to say it was exactly what I needed. I want to say I feel like I'm firing on all cylinders again. But... those would all be inaccurate. I had to force myself to sleep in and still felt just as off as before. I don't think it's the vitamin D, that gives me a different feeling than this, and I got plenty on Saturday. Actually, I'm afraid it's my sleeping habits. Yes, I can function adequately on 4-5 hours of sleep an night, but I do believe that adequately isn't what I'm used to. Like Distracted Spunk I tend to operate on a plane above what is simply adequate and the reduced sleep may be behind the adequacy. So that was supposed to be the point of today's "sabbath", to take time off, sleep in, veg out, and refresh my batteries in a manner of speaking. Did it help, yes, just not to the extent that I would have liked it to.

So, here's something that's been troubling me. First, go off and read Phillybits for reference and then return here.

I read that, don't know where exactly I found it, I think off of a Digg link, and was immediately flooded with quite an array of emotions:

  • I was frustrated, because religion and politics should not converge, except when politics is required to to preserve every individual's right to believe in whatever they wish
  • I was angry, that in a political debate, a question that had so little to do with anything of political, policy, or international importance had time wasted on it
  • I was humbled, because 18 months ago I still would have thought that was an important question and would probably have based my vote on the candidates' answers
  • I was saddened, thinking just how many people will end up basing their votes on the answers that the candidates gave.
  • I was disappointed, to think that these are the criterion we have reverted back to using to elect our leaders
  • I was upset, to see how far we've deviated from the Founders original plan and destiny for this country which they gave themselves to found

But most of all, I was ashamed, in myself, that for all I tout myself for being American and proudly supporting the democracy the Founders established, I wouldn't have known my own constitution well enough to give that reply....

Picture (c) 2006 Bonnie Jacobs

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Rain rain.... give me a day off...

I'm tired. Still. Still improper synapse firing. Still searching for everything. But, the Christmas tree in my apartment is decorated. Progress!!!

Ok, now for complete sentences. I made dinner tonight, a whole chicken baked in the oven and rice. I was tired of not having a real meal so damn it, I made one. It was so good there's only a bit or rice left over, that's it. Yes, BigE and I ate the whole bird. It was glorious. I've decided that carving a chicken properly is one of those life skills I need to learn before I have my own family. It's one thing to butcher it when it's just us guys eating, but it's another when it's half a presentation for a family too. I will add, that as much as I sucked at the whole carving thing, I did save the wishbone intact which is drying on top of my stove as we speak :-)

So here's a question: How much does one spend on a blind gamble, that's most likely a once in a lifetime experience, especially when that person's just scraping by on bills as it is? Right now, I'm between $500 and $3,000. Yeah, it's worth 3-grand to me... if it were guaranteed I wouldn't hesitate, but it's not... and I'm not positive how I'd feel if I dropped that much and didn't get it, or rather, wasn't even close. I imagine my competition isn't that severe... Neilsen ratings estimate a 2 million viewer pool not counting other countries; figure half are fans enough to keep up with information online; at least half actively searching for information and participating in blogs/fan clubs/forums, which brings us down to 500k people; from here it's subjective guessing how many people have the money for this, are willing to spend said money, both have the money and willingness to spend it, and are fans of that character enough to spend it on seeing them, and of course any other variables I've forgotten. So approximately I'd be competing against 1-100,000 people? Give or take a few thousand? Maybe 1-50k? I really don't have a clue, but now isn't a time to underestimate. I need to find the deadline for this.

And apply for a passport... just in case.

"You say you want to talk about a better world, but you've closed that beautiful door"

Artist: Billy Bob Thornton (yes, the actor)
Album: Beautiful Door (2007)

Christmas trees and family meals...

Well, here's to day two of commitment to write. I can't guarantee the quality of this post. Hell, it took me 3 minutes to just spell guarantee correctly. Today was a good day. After about 15 minutes in the sun at the Christmas Tree Farm I couldn't stop smiling about how nice it was to be out and in the sun. The level of depression that hits me in the winter is near frightening, or rather, debilitating. I think the Vitamin D supplements will work, there's no reason to think that they won't... but if they ever stop, I may have to relocate to somewhere or figure out some way to be in the sun daily.

After work was dinner with the Ohana at P.F.Chang's. It was without a doubt a very family-feeling dinner. I think, if I didn't have my family of friends from HS I would probably have been in even closer with them. It was nice to see everyone and hang out, whether it was during dinner or after playing 'adult' hidden pictures in the bar we went to after dinner.

I would love to have stayed and played longer, but I needed to get back to the apt to shower and set up our tree, and most importantly get off the road before I got too tired to be on it. I've got a number of ideas and things I want to write about, most of which I'm sure I'll get to eventually, but not tonight. I couldn't even focus and find the words I wanted in a txt message to Distracted Spunk. I literally stared at the screen on my phone and still haven't figured it out. I needs some catch up sleep. Happy December, it's now officially the Christmas season.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Catching up

So, I may have failed at the NaNoWriMo thing, but I kinda expected that. As punishment, or rather, perhaps motivation, I'm going to attempt to write here every time I sit in front of a computer. Whether it's 3pm or 3am I need to get this going. I've had 3 or 4 ideas on things to write but haven't been somewhere that I could write them down. It's like the ideas wait until the most inopportune moment they could possible hit and choose that one. Oh well.

I'm at the apartment, having just finished my nightly doses of tea, scrabble, and taking with my Distracted Spunk. I'm taking her idea and giving everyone witty names, it's the easiest option I think. Then I can talk about everyone and feel at least a bit less like I'm censoring my writing. It's funny, I think that the Writers Guild strike has actually put me in more of a mood to write. Maybe because they can't/shouldn't, or maybe it's simple idol worship in that I want to be like them. I'd like to create a series and characters that people can make a part of their lives someday. Until then, I'll support the ones who are doing that with every dollar that I don't have...

Pencils2MediaMoguls just upped the ante to try to get more supporters. For fans of Smallville and Battlestar Galactica a few of the actors have expressed a willingness to reward fans with a phone call, personalized memorabilia, or more. Aaron Douglas has even offered to take his biggest pencil donater out to a hockey game, provided they can make it up to Vancouver. I'll admit, I'm wildly tempted to buy a thousand boxes right now. No lie. 12,000 pencils. I'm beyond not able to spend that kind of money, but it helps the cause and to hang out with the Chief.... it'd be worth the years of debt I might incur from that. And then to go to Bear's soundtrack concert and be able to go up to him like a friend, cause we'd have gone to a hockey game before... yeah, woah. A good idea may be to find out when said contest ends.

I'm also going to add a picture with every post. All will be ones I've personally taken/edited unless otherwise noted. It's about time I start getting my proverbial "shit" together and accomplishing something in addition to working 4 part time jobs and hanging out with friends. I've got video's to edit, websites to make, Christmas presents to make, furniture to make, ships in bottles to make, and I'm sure about 7 other things. Ready. Set. Go.