Monday, March 29, 2010

Frame of mind

When my cousin read my coffee grinds... see previous post... One of the things she said about me right now is that I was burned badly in a previous relationship (right on) and that I had separated that relationship part of me out and have left it to the side.

This couldn't be more right.

I want nothing to do with any relationship right now of any kind... I tease at the thought of it for this person or that... but ultimately... It. Ain't. Happening.

Yes, a lot of it is probably due to that burn. I haven't really set about processing it (frankly I can't quite comprehend it even still) and not processing/comprehending that situation... well... it sure as shit doesn't let me get over it.

More than that though, I just don't want to deal/hear with the minutiae of the other person in a relationship.

I don't want to know how your day was, I don't want to know where you are, where you're going, what you've done, that you're going to fold your laundry, or any other daily shit-task that you're doing. I don't want to make small talk. I don't want a routine to say goodbye at night. I don't want to hear how you're feeling unless I ask...

I have neither the energy or will to care.

Maybe that's cold... but I don't really care about that either.

In regards to relationships that's where my mind is at right now. And if you want to screw... well... you can give it a shot, but 9 times out of 10 it's gonna end up being a no anyway. That's just not typically me. Not for any cockamamie religious belief... those are the furthest things from my mind right now... but simply because the reward isn't worth the risk in my head. It's that simple.

I think I like this spaced out, more stream of conscious type formatting for the blog. I've read other people who use it, and found it annoying at first... however... I've written more in the past week like this then I have in the past few months. And quite frankly, writing something is better than writing nothing for me right now.

Hope it doesn't bother the 3 of you who read this all that much :-p

Saturday, March 27, 2010

My Anchor....

So, the other day, my cousin's wife read my coffee grinds.

That's right, I said coffee grinds... Apparently an old gypsy who lived upstairs in a complex her parent's owned taught her how. I shit you not.

Now, anyone who knows me, knows I don't play with that kind of stuff. Never paid a psychic, had tarot read, fortune told, etc. I have an issue with people monetizing that kind of thing.

However this was just something my cousin did... so, because she's family now, I went with it.

She read my brother first, and was eerily accurate. She talked about my brother's new relationship without being told about, and details about it as well. Like that they're mushy... which they are.

Ok... fine. Then me. Also, right on. Everything I'm working on will go well (gotta love predictions of good fortune). However I've been burned badly by a recent relationship (Dzia, which she totally knew nothing about... in fact... no one did.... cause I haven't told anyone... err... wanted to talk about it at all actually) and that due to that burn I've totally separated out my relationship stuff for at least the next year and a half (till most movie promotion stuff is done, dead on) but at the end of that I'll probably end up with the person I'm going to be with. She said, "You're going to find your anchor in life."

I had never thought of that 'elusive someone' as an "anchor". At first I joked about, oh great... someone to weigh me down and keep me in one place... but the more I thought about it the more that kinda made sense.

Someone who can keep me grounded. Let's me float on top of the water but not get carried away. Holds me securely in a storm. But someone who can come with me on all my journeys and travels. Someone who is an important part of everything I do and the places I will go in life.

I never used the image of an 'anchor' as an analogy for "her" before...

Now, I don't imagine I'll ever not think of her that way.

Friday, March 26, 2010

I bought a typewriter... and other sterotypical things

It's a nice typewriter. I'm actually very excited about my typewriter. I hope it actually fulfills my expectation of helping me not be distracted when I write (type?) and isn't only "well I want to be a writer so I should get a typewriter like all the other famous writers had and used".

I tend to be ridiculous like that sometimes.

Ok. Maybe more often than sometimes.

But who's keeping score.

I'm not.

In addition to my typewriter, I've secured a cabin in the woods for a weekend to type on it. Just far enough outside the beaten path to not effectively get cell reception or data services.

I'll be cut off from the world.

In a cabin.

Writing what I hope to be the first few chapters of a book.

On a typewriter.

Anyone have recommendations for sufficiently stereotypical meals I can/should cook for myself?

Maybe swordfish steaks??

Perhaps I've just ventured off into the deep end.....